The Urban Dictionary describes a Pillow Princess as follows: A woman, usually of or in a curious/bisexual context, who wants to experience pleasure from oral sex, but who is unwilling to reciprocate. But what does that really mean? A selfish bitch who will take it from anyone who’ll give it; male or female? An uncommitted lesbian or bisexual woman unwilling to perform any sexual acts that will clearly identify her as a bisexual or lesbian woman?
Christine: All Cindy ever does when we have sex is just lay back and have me do all the work. She is such a pillow princess!
Okay, so technically I’m a bisexual pillow princess.
I started dating boys when I was 14 and didn’t give much thought to having sex with other girls. College changed all that. My first lesbian experience was in my first semester. I had succumbed to weekend keg-guzzling frat parties and although I was inexperienced, I was quickly catching up to my peers. There was this very beautiful junior named Christine, who I couldn’t stop staring at every time I saw her. I noticed her at every party I attended, and she made small talk with me, from time to time. She had a reputation as a real party animal type wild thing, which piqued my interest even more. Gorgeous long blonde hair, perfect barbie dimensions and the face to match; that must be my type I guess.
One foggy Saturday night frat party, she was there, as beautiful as ever, but stinking drunk and loud. She blurted out that she thought I was cute and she wanted me to go upstairs with her. I’d never been with a girl before, although I exclusively masturbated to lesbian porn, but I was both flattered and turned on. Emboldened by beers and wet panties, I silently followed her like a sheep to the slaughter.
I was totally freaked. I went to the bathroom to check myself and kept compulsively putting my hand in my panties to make sure I smelled okay (something I haven’t done with guys, incidentally). Sitting on the bed, I sipped beer from my red plastic cup and tried to make small talk. I rattled on and on like a nervous little chatterbox about to have her first lesbian experience. Then she slid over close to me, leaned over and put her index finger on my lips. “Shhhh” she whispered. I obeyed. Then she kissed me.
I was speechless and couldn’t even move. Sexiest. Thing. Ever.
My whole body trembled like a leaf as she ran her fingers across my shoulders, neck and caressed me slowly and deliberately. The kissing was better than any kissing I could remember with any guy; so soft and sweet and gentle.
Her clothes came off quickly and I started caressing her too. Pretty soon we were doing some heavy petting and she started pulling my clothes off. Okay, I’m getting to feel really awkward now. My mind is racing as I’m thinking, “I’m actually making out with another girl – it is really happening.”
And then she went down on me for what seemed like hours. Finally I couldn’t take any more orgasms and told her to stop. Yes, you heard it right. She grinned and sat back for a minute, with a very sexy look on her face. I know it was my cue to go down on her now. But I didn’t. I got up like a robot, put my clothes back on and walked out the door.
Somehow, miraculously, leaving her unfulfilled after hooking up gave me some sort of celebrity status among the other girls. Christine labeled me as a pillow princess and the name stuck; so did I.
After that, I was approached by girls who were into that sort of thing because they liked the idea of going down on a reluctant girl. They didn’t expect me to reciprocate. Frankly I liked it.
Now that I’m out of college, it’s much more difficult to find these girls. I’m not out, there’s no good lesbian bars nearby, and most girls interested in a one-night-stand want you to do something for them, too.
Is it selfish? Well, okay, in the case of Christine it was. But I let the rest of the women I sleep with know what they’re getting into. If it helps, it’s not the cruelty of blue-clitting somebody that appeals to me, it’s just the aspect of being “attended” to like pillow royalty. Plus, women who don’t care about “their turn” because they get off on giving head are usually really good at it and very enthusiastic.
I get most of my hookups through the Internet (which is a nightmare, if you’re a girl trolling for no-strings sex with other girls), where I often clearly state that I’m there to get, not give. Here’s how it works. I look for bi and gay girls on datingsites who are open to casual sex, then present myself as a curious mostly straight girl and drop the pillow princess bomb if she seems flirty and interested.
If I use Craigslist, I have to deal with loads of male creeps and have to voice-verify to make sure they’re girls, but I can also state in my ad exactly what these girls are in for. She hosts or we go someplace to have sex — but never my place, because I need to be able to make my abrupt exit. (Bars with locking unisex bathrooms are great for this — so I guess I’m also a “stand-up up against the tile” princess. People are shockingly okay with waiting in line while two girls fuck.)
I answer and place more ads than lead to actual hookups, but there are enough women out there willing to do this that I’ve done it a handful of times. Some of these women have been insanely hot. Some of them are gay, some are bi, and some of them are in relationships with men who don’t know that they meet women on the Internet for sex.
The best part is that if it turns out I’m not attracted to a girl in person, I can just close my eyes and pretend I am while she does her thing. It’s a weird combination of submitting and being serviced that I find intensely sexy. Occasionally, I’ll crack in the moment and reciprocate. (Although I also like getting them to the point where they’re forced to get themselves off while I’m getting my boots on.)
It’s not that I don’t like going down on women. I do. But I’m not dating them, and I don’t think I would want to have my fetish corrupted by caring for somebody enough to give back. Judge me if you must, but plenty of folks are selfish in bed without any warning.
At least in my situation, everybody goes in with their eyes open. At least until it gets really good.